The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, how not to repeat the fate of your parents

They often say: “like father, like son,” or “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Yes, the meaning inherent in proverbs is very often reflected in real life, but sometimes it happens that apples roll far from their native apple tree - under some oak or exotic palm tree. Then people shrug their shoulders and say that, apparently, there is a black sheep in the family.

But everything, of course, depends on what kind of family it is. Until relatively recently, sons were obliged to follow in the footsteps of their parents, and a sheep that strayed from the herd was considered a real traitor. If a son was destined for a career as a merchant, and he suddenly decided to become an artist, the family’s reaction was sometimes quite violent. Today, a person is influenced not only by his family members, but also by friends, colleagues and, of course, we cannot fail to mention the media here. What do we end up with?

Family triangle

Triangles are not only love, but also family. A family of three (two adults and one child) is also a triangle. And in this triangle there is jealousy and various emotions - pleasant and not so pleasant. Typically, girls are more drawn to their mothers, since fathers are initially focused on their sons, and devote a minimum of their time to their daughters.

It should be immediately noted that in this article we are talking about prosperous families in which parents do not drink. Although there are fewer and fewer such families in our country. In normal families, daughters copy their mother’s behavior towards family members, so almost all of them will build relationships in their families according to the maternal principle. This is considered the norm, although today the norm is increasingly becoming an ideal, because modern women often prefer to build a good career rather than a family.

And only one out of ten daughters will be influenced by their father. It just so happens that “daddy’s” daughter loves her father more than her mother and is desperately trying to prove to him that she is in no way inferior to her coveted son. In the future, such “daddy’s” daughters will choose older men as life partners; it will be quite difficult for them to find a common language with their peers and friends. Girls who lacked fatherly love in childhood usually do not become good mothers, are often childish and look for a companion who will take care of them. Quite often, “daddy’s” daughters go to the other extreme and choose a “male” profession. People around them consider them slightly (or not quite slightly) eccentric, and psychologists feel sorry for them, because they often cannot understand the reason for their failures.

However, the worst relationship for “daddy’s” girls is with their mothers. For example, a mother is trying to teach her daughter how to cook deliciously, citing the fact that such useful skills will be useful to her in her future family life. The daughter, in turn, seeing her father’s obvious disdain for cooking, will prefer to watch TV while lying on the sofa. The same situation arises with order in the house, clothing and other everyday issues. If “daddy’s” daughter is unlucky and does not meet a caring and loving man, then she faces the fate of an old maid or a lonely career woman.

“Mom’s” daughters usually have everything in order with their personal lives. Although if a girl grew up without a father, then the most varied and unpredictable options are possible: from excessive attraction to outright hatred of members of the opposite sex. Very often, women who were raised by one mother also become single mothers for various reasons.

The ideal option for a family is when the father and mother equally love their child and pay maximum attention to him. But the ideal, as we know, is very rare. If both parents want to see a son in their daughter, then this can lead to the most disastrous consequences for the child, including sex reassignment surgery.

Beloved son

Patriarchy has ruled the world almost always, and today this trend does not lose its relevance. That is why men are so eager to get an heir, because this long-awaited child will be able to share his father’s hobbies - watching football, men's magazines and building a career.

So, there was a long-awaited addition to the family: a boy was born. Good parents will teach their child from childhood to treat the opposite sex with due respect, and not to perceive women as second-class creatures. Grandmother, mother, sister need to be protected and protected, because they are weaker. And you certainly can’t sort things out with them using your fists. Unfortunately, today there are not many men left with such positive life positions. Typically, in average families, a boy watches his mother strain herself on all fronts, and his father, coming home from work, collapses on the sofa. Agree, can’t such a picture not please a boy who is also not particularly inclined to work? This is how the most common type of man arises - patriarchal. Ideally, he doesn’t drink, smoke or hit, but that’s ideal...

If the parents love the boy very much and take care of him in every possible way, then a typical henpecked child is born. He doesn’t know how to cook, he’s not able to do laundry, clean, or pay rent properly. And he cannot properly care for a woman and is waiting for an assertive person to come and starve him out. His wife will have to take on the role of a caring mother and look after her new “son”. Of course, if everyone is satisfied with everything, then so be it, but the problem is that there are actually few who are satisfied.

More and more often today there are men who are not able to start a family. No, now we are not talking about convinced bachelors who do not marry out of principle. Often men are fully aware of all the benefits of marriage, but it is so difficult or lazy for them to get out from under their mother’s caring wing that all their matrimonial plans remain unrealized. Usually such boys are raised by one mother.

You ask: “Are there any normal men today?” Perhaps they do, but you just need to decide what is considered the norm. However, unfortunately, the norm today is increasingly turning into an ideal, which can only be read about in a romance novel.

Ungrateful children

How many times in your life have you heard parents complain about their children? You see, they raised them, educated them, put their souls into them, but they, ungrateful ones, do not want to help their old people.

The reason for this is simple: what goes around comes around. If a child is accustomed to treating his parents as a source of all kinds of benefits, then when these benefits end, both his love and his attention will end.

There is no point in scoffing at this model of upbringing and admiring the Europeans who, after their child finishes studying at university, send him off to an independent life. In this case, old people also spend their old age alone, although they have no complaints about their children.

This model of education is not suitable for us because of our mentality and the notorious housing issue. It just so happens that families often live in the same apartment, and family relationships have an established character, in which everyone must help each other.

Abandoned children

There is no need to think that parents have never abandoned children before. This has always been the case! And they threw them under the doors of luxurious mansions, and left them in shelters and maternity hospitals... All this happened then, and it still exists now. As a result, the child is raised by other people's aunts, does not have his own place and lives in conditions of severe restrictions and hazing. Unfortunately, this is the reality of our orphanages and boarding schools. And who will grow up from such a child? Hardly anyone good. If such a child is an apple, then the apple tree is our society and state with all its shortcomings. And in this case, the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Everyone has heard the saying: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” but few people take the essence of what was said seriously and deeply.

After all, it’s no secret that children are in many ways similar to their parents, and this is not a matter of natural, biological similarity, but more of a social, emotional and psychological one.

The deep essence of the proverb that the apple does not fall far from the tree also applies to the birch tree, which has undertaken to nurture the apple.

Those. When an apple grows, it “inherits” the character traits, social attitudes, mentality, and often the fate of the birch tree that raised it.

To put it bluntly, happy parents raise happy children, and vice versa... And also, “good” parents a priori do not raise “bad” children... and vice versa...

Why do children repeat the fate of their parents?

Yes it is. But here we are not talking about a copy of fate in order to live life alone.

Here we are talking about the fact that a child, having unconsciously copied from his parents their attitudes about his “I”, about other people, about the world in general, as well as ways of feeling, thinking and behavior, will create for himself a similar life scenario - happy or unlucky.

And it doesn’t matter that a dad breaks his forehead by stepping on a rake, and a child breaks his head by falling from a motorcycle - the essence is the same, misfortune.

Or if the mother was happy and successful in marriage, even if in poverty, she was happy, then the daughter will find her happiness in marriage, but maybe in wealth.

Your destiny is a life scenario copied from your parents or their surrogates. But not all of life was copied down to the smallest detail, but the very essence - happiness and luck, mediocrity and “something bad” or “loser” and misfortune... Hence the saying: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”...

Well, think for yourself how happy you are now on a 10-point scale, and how happy a parent of your gender was at the same age (if there is no parent of the same gender, then someone replaces him...maybe mom plays the role of dad, or grandmother... ).

And what's interesting is, this is that the child copies the attitudes from the parent of the opposite sex - to be happy or unhappy, and from the parent of the same sex - copies how this should be done.

How to make the apple fall far from the tree?

And if you just want, then the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” will not apply to you (if your parents are unlucky). Or vice versa - about you (in the case of a happy parental family).

Parents, of course, need to be loved, no matter what they are - parents are not chosen. And elderly parents should be treated with respect and care, to the best of their ability and ability.

And it doesn’t matter who grew the apple - a sweet and garden or sour and wild apple tree, a slender birch for luxury furniture or a dry birch for firewood, a solid oak, a trembling aspen or an arrogant baobab...

The important thing is that the apple becomes an apple, i.e. herself, and lived her own destiny, which she herself chose, and not the fate of her parents.

What is needed for this? How to live your destiny, how to build your own life scenario according to your desires, needs and capabilities? How to avoid the proverb: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”?

Very simple. You just need to want it and spend some time on it.

Breaking the effect of the proverb “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”

First What you need to do so that the proverb “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” (if the apple tree is a loser) does not apply to you is to analyze your family down to the third generation.

Those. see which of your relatives and friends (mom, dad, grandparents on both sides, even if you have never met them) have or had similar personal, emotional, psychological and life problems.

Of course, you need to understand your scenario - who you were, are and will be in life (“lucky” - a winner, “extreme” or “someone” - mediocrity or a loser and a complete loser).
That is, you need to pass the test “WHO ARE YOU IN LIFE” - three times. The first time is about the past, the second is about the present, and the third is about the future). It will be clear what to break and what to strive for.

Second, after realizing the similarity of problems with relatives and your current scenario, you need to make a list of your main problems in life, especially those that are repeated - you are constantly unlucky in something.

Third- more difficult, although easy at first glance - you need to make a list of your desires - and real ones, not fantastic ones.

The main and difficult thing here(avoiding the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”)) is...

1. compose sentences so that they are in a positive form (“not being a fool” is incorrect: correct is “being smart”),
2. without oughts, demands and prohibitions (“quit smoking” is wrong; more correctly, “become free from tobacco”; also, “should enjoy communication - wrong; correct - “I want to have fun...”),
3. with detailed specifics, without abstractions (I want to be happy - wrong; “I want to enjoy my relationship with my husband” - that’s better...),
4. Well, and what is very important - in a language understandable to a 7-year-old child, i.e. without “abstruse, adult words.”

Fourth, clearly realize for yourself that in your unsuccessful scenario no one is to blame - not you, not your parents. But it is in your power, precisely in your power, to change it (parents do not need to be taught life and change).

Also, to better change your “unhappy” attitudes, you need to learn to relax and distract yourself from internal “left” thoughts and external stimuli.

Also, belly breathing helps relaxation well... it can be integrated into training...

And fifth, take the first problem in the written hierarchy (one, the most pressing, or the simplest, and not all at once) and the written desire, and begin to work by changing the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” - i.e. your negative life scenario.

Specific exercises to change your loser script

So, you have completed all five points described above, and are now ready to break for yourself the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” - i.e. you decided not to repeat the fate of your parents.

Don't be lazy, practice - otherwise nothing will come of it. Exercises to fulfill your real desires are just as real, and have nothing to do with parapsychology, esotericism and other nonsense.

Know for yourself that your bad luck and misfortunes are controlled by the settings in your head, and not by Fortune, which has turned its back on you.

The attitudes in the head are in the subconscious, they are perceived and stored in the form of images and pictures, so you will change them in the same way - with imaginative thinking and practical consolidation, and not with words and daydreaming.

“The apple now falls far from the tree” - step-by-step exercises:

We begin the exercises after completing the first five preparation points (see above) - remember this:

1. We take our first desire, which is not realized in the corresponding problem - according to the list
2. Choose a convenient place where no one will disturb you (turn off your smartphone). We relax with the help of training and breathing (links above);
3. Once you are completely relaxed and distracted from other thoughts, immediately imagine in your mind the very problematic situation that you want to work through and not repeat. Imagine it as clearly as possible, in the smallest details. Including everything that is seen, heard, smelled, bodily and taste sensations.
4. As soon as you vividly imagine, imagine the problem and feel a negative emotion - right here and now, in reality... So immediately “rewind” your video in your head to the beginning, where you still felt good. You can increase relaxation if you get nervous.
5. Now again imagine the same situation in your head, but in a positive scenario - change the “ending” so that in real life a positive emotion or feeling of peace, calm and satisfaction appears.

   Experiencing a positive emotion or feeling is very important. The feeling will be caused by your vivid performance in a relaxed state.

6. Now, with a good emotion, you can get out of a relaxed state... And do something in the present time, without thinking about the past and the future, be here and now, both soul and body.
7. Because There were many similar situations in life regarding this one problem - i.e. failures have been repeated in the past. To consolidate the result in your head, you need basic repetition.

   Those. you need to take and also work out in your head at least a couple more similar situations - then the subconscious will remember new images and feelings about the same similar situations - and the negatives will no longer be repeated in your life...

0 How much does a person need to insult his interlocutor? There are such figures of speech that, although they “omit”, do it so carefully, and even beautifully, that you can’t undermine it. Our ancestors knew how to do this, and today we will talk about a rather ambiguous saying, this Apple from the apple tree falls close, you can read the value a little lower. If you find our resource site worthy of attention, be sure to add it to your bookmarks.
Before continuing, I would like to recommend you some of our interesting articles on the topic of phraseological units. For example, what does the Golden Mean mean? which means On beans; the meaning of the expression Anika-warrior; how to understand Enter into a rage, etc.
So let's continue meaning Apple from an apple tree doesn't fall far?

Apple from the apple tree- means that as parents are, so are children, that is, by parent we mean " Apple tree"and under the child" apple"

The Germans have a similar saying - " Like a tree, like a pear".

As you already understand, the proverb discussed here is used exclusively in a negative sense, in the case when it is intended to show that the child is not far from his parents.
However, when a fruit falls next to its tree, this is not surprising. Philosophers from ancient Rome often resorted to the phraseological unit " Same root - same fruit". It would be surprising if apple trees began to pick cherries. However, the natural property that a child is the image and likeness of his parents begins to be interpreted by people who bring their own meaning and meaning to it.

Although the literal interpretation is not always correct, for example, if Apple orchard stands on a steep mountain slope, the apples from the tree can roll very far. Essentially, this proverb reflects human prejudices that if parents are scoundrels and bastards, then the child will grow up to be the same. This is not entirely true; history knows both situations that confirm this saying and those that refute it. For example, a maniac Chikatilo, left behind a son who followed in his footsteps, whereas Henry Ford, having parents " rednecks", at the age of 16 he ran away from home and became a very rich businessman. Therefore, if we paraphrase the expression of Christ, we can say" You will know them by their spirit".

After reading this informative article, you finally understand What does an apple from an apple tree mean? does not fall far, and now you will be able to correctly interpret this expression if you encounter it again.

This proverb concerns the issue of education and is most often applied to children. But parents should also not forget that they set an example for their children.

The most striking example from classical literature is that Fonvizin wrote about in the comedy “The Minor.” Mother instilled in her son qualities that she thought would be useful in life. She did not cultivate honor and kindness in him, but raised him to be a liar and a lazy person, a greedy person who does not value the moral principles of society. And mother behaves ugly, does not take into account anyone’s opinion, be it her husband or her husband. When she turned to Mitrofanushka for a request, he told her not to impose herself. What could you expect? If his mother herself taught him this behavior and perception of people. As the saying goes, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

Let's remember the fairy tale "Twelve Months", the author of which is S.Ya. Marshak, who every now and then ridicules human vices in his work. Later, the fairy tale was filmed. The plot also has its own apple tree and apple tree. Stepmother and her daughter Glasha. They are similar not only in character qualities, but also in appearance. Since childhood, my daughter was shown excessive care, which led to negative consequences in her character.

Glasha, like her mother, is plump, angry, stubborn, lazy. These are negative characters who disgust the reader. The stepmother and daughter decided to receive gifts. First, the Daughter went to months, her communication causes hostility and shows her bad manners and greed. But January could not stand such behavior and attitude towards them and raised a snowstorm after he waved his sleeve. The girl was whirled by a snowstorm that rose to the sky and she froze. The stepmother went out to look for her, circled around the forest for a long time, but never found her and was also frozen.

That is why parents want to teach their children the best: how to communicate with people, how to behave in society, to be a kind person, an example for others. After all, children are a reflection of their parents. And if a child’s behavior is ugly, it means he was not raised properly. You need to put all your efforts and all your perseverance into the child so that later he will not be ashamed, because he will be ashamed of himself, first of all.

Love and respect yourself and your loved ones. Nurture the human being in yourself and in your children. Be a good example.